Saturday, December 27, 2008

Our first placement

We waited anxiously for our first placement. We were so excited to see what God had in store for our family. Every time the phone rang we wondered is this the call that is going to change our lives? Finally we got our first placement a 9 yr old boy J. J was adorable,small for his age. He had blonde hair and really big blue eyes.He was removed from his home because of neglect,abuse and drug addiction. All 10 kids and the mom were found living in a condemned house with no electricity and no running water. The kids went to the bathroom in the toilets, tub, sinks until they were full, then in the corners. He remained in our home for 2 1/2 yrs. He had 9 siblings, and had visits with all 9 siblings and the mom once a month.The dad was in prison. The visits were supervised at the county office. He was a good kid but had attachment problems. He had a wall up, not to let anyone get to close. He was scared of getting hurt again. After him being in our home for 2 yrs they terminated the parental the parental rights and adopted out the 3 younger girls. They asked the fosterparents of the boys if they would be interested in adoption ,guardanship or long term placement. We felt because of his age and his attachment problems that adoption was not the right answer but agreed to long term placement. As soon as they terminated the parental rights and started talking about making a permanent plan he started acting out. He broke out our upstairs window twice and threatened to jump out of it. He threatened to jump over our upstairs balcony, ran away, started fighting. We had to call the cops on a couple occasions. Once he was 51/50 and sent to mental health for 4 days. Eventually we felt we had no choice but to give notice. The day the social worker came to move him he was playing out front with his 2 best friends, he just got up came in and got his bags and got in the car. No goodbye or anything. He didn't even say goodbye to his friends or tell them he was moving. A few days later they came to see if J could play. We found it so sad that he could be in our home for 2 1/2 yrs and just walk away unattached as if he was just going for a ride. There seemed to be no emotion.......

2 comments:

Annie said...

But how could THEY do that to him??? Did he have counseling? Did he get to visit his new home before going there? Was anything done to give him the idea that affection and attachment are valuable, expected, make a difference????

I recently wrote about my foster child and how they came close to removing him. He is fifteen, but he really could not quite understand that they meant to take him away FOREVER. It seems so irrational. I can understand why he didn't "get" it. Perhaps your little guy was wondering the next day when he was coming home again.

themommie said...

thanks for your comment annie, I don't understand how the ones that don't deal with the kids make life changing decisions for them. Yes he received couseling for the whole 2 1/2 yrs he was in our home. We found out after he was moved that he went to another family within our agency. He had the same history there he did really well for the first 6 months and then started acting out and was moved to another home. It is so sad how these kids are moved around so much......